NEW WINGNUT DISAPPEARS

"I am not the father," says Shoop

Sept 16 - UPI

As the pornographic postcard punk grows more pregnant, the paternity of her child perplexes police.
The father cannot be Mr. Tree as he was on a manned mission to Mars at the time of conception. Soapy Argyle is ruled out due to his extreme prudeness and unwillingness to engage in premarital relations. And Shawn 4-On simply doesn't have the chutzpah necessary to score a home run with any woman on the planet.
Which leaves only the newest member of the group, Matt "There It Is" Shoop.
"We brought him in for questioning," says lead investigator Simmons, "And he swore he wasn't the father. He subsequently failed a lie detector test and his nose grew several inches. We suspect him of deception in the first degree."
Much to the chagrin of authorities, however, Shoop has dissappeared as if into thin air.
"No one's seen go&3*d#`am hide nor ha#r of him in days," Says 4-On, "#$%!@%, and we have this important gig coming up, too."
When asked to elaborate, 4-On elaborated,"Hell, it's the *#&$*% CD RELEASE PARTY for GO BANANAS. It's at SEVEN SOUTH on SATURDAY SEPT 23." He then added, "There's NO COVER! And two for one wells and drafts from 9-11."
The authorities intend to attend the festivities.
Will Shoop show? Only time will tell...

Send all information, clues, and financial contributions to:

Mr. Tree and the Wingnuts
3430 Lawrence, Denver, CO 80205
or email at mrtree_and_the_wingnuts@yahoo.com