Holy Crap! Two More Pornographic Postcards Arrive in the Mail

First Two Postcards Still Missing

Associated Press
January 24 DENVER-

In news so shocking it has to shave its ass and crawl backward just so the dog will play with it, two more postcards have been sent to Mr Tree and the Wingnuts Headquarters. With the first two postcards--stolen earlier last week--still missing, authorities had believed all chances of discovering the identity of the Corrupt Corresponder were nil. The tide, they believe, has now turned in their favor.

"That nefarious son or daughter of a b**ch has another thing comin'," said Shawn 4-On in an interview this morning. 4-On then pointed his finger menacingly and said, "We know who you are, probably. So Elvis or that deranged female fan of Mr. Tree and the Wingnuts had better watch the h*ll out. We're gonna find you and prosecute you to the full extent of the fuck**g law." He then added, "It is against the law to mail unsolicited postcards to Mr Tree and Soapy, isn't it?"

Authorities have allowed us for the first time to reveal the content of the letters:

Postcard #1 addressed to "Soaphead"

"Great MT&W homepage--I laughed my ass off! When/where are you guys playing next? Tell Shawn to leave three hundred cans of unmarked beans on his front step at midnight or the tree gets pruned.

--EP"

The front of the card is a photo of a caucasian female dressed in stilletto heels and a a thin white rope. In spite of the tautness of the rope and the placement of it around and among various sexual organs, she looks remarkably calm.

Postcard #2 addressed to "Tree"

"Mentally deranged female fan?!!? Are you sure? [smiley face] C'mon...I'm harmless. Do you like peas?

--EP"

On the front of this cards is another photo of the same caucasian female, this time dressed in frayed black nylons. Her buttocks obscures much of the image while she looks back over her shoulder with a look of insatiable curiosity in her eyes.

In response to these postcards Mr Tree and the Wingnuts have issued the following statement: "We do not cooperate with terrorists, our next show is at the Cricket on the Hill February 10, and Mr Tree does, indeed, like peas."

Meanwhile, Elvis or the deranged female fan continues to confound authorities.

Mr. Tree and the Wingnuts are issuing a plea to their fans for any and all information which could lead to the identification and eventual arrest of the "SECRET ADMIRER." All tips should be sent to Mr. Tree and the Wingnuts at:

3430 Lawrence, Denver, CO 80205
or email at mrtree_and_the_wingnuts@yahoo.com