Mail From Elvis Presley's Dead Twin BrotherSoapy Argyle: "Only a Superhero can save us now." Associated Press The Mailbox Menace has mailed Mr Tree and the Wingnuts a LETTER! Inside the envelope, Mr. Tree was horrified to find an article taken from the highly acclaimed newspaper, the Weekly World News. The article, Elvis' Twin Lives, reveals that Elvis' twin brother, Jesse Garon Presley, originally believed to have been stillborn, is alive and well.
"Perhaps the Mailbox Menace isn't Elvis," said Soapy Argyle an avid Elvisologist, "For he is dead; his every particle of being destroyed in that fateful battle with the Komodo Twins of the planet Negatron. It's far more likely that his stillborn twin brother has been re-animated by the evil Doctor Spectroflexor for purposes of wreaking havoc upon the good people of Denver. Captain Missiletoe where are you?"
When asked to elaborate, Argyle said, "Go away." Shawn 4-On was able to elaborate, "That g*damn crap-eating dead zombie bastard twin of Elvis better get his sh*t together because we're coming after him and this time it's personal!" 4-On then swallowed an entire live chicken and threw a rock through the nearest window. Mr. Tree, Captain Missiletoe, the Evil Doctor Spectroflexor, and the Komodo Twins of the planet Negatron were unavailable for comment. 3430 Lawrence, Denver, CO 80205 |
The letter
contains no other message. The envelope is addressed in a
script unlike that of the previous pornograhic
postcards. This time we have a return address: E.P.,
El Casa del Ritas, Zacatecas, Mexico 698350. 
When asked if it was
possible that the Mailbox Menace was a deranged female
fan, as has been posited by many experts, Soapy Argyle
responded, "Yeah, right. It doesn't take an Einstein
to see it's the Jesse Garon Presley Zombie Monster as
controlled by Doctor Spectroflexor. His fingerprints are
all over this."